So I know that I haven’t written a blog in a very long time. I guess the only time I feel inspired to write is when I’m procrastinating things that need to be done.
I had an awe ha moment today and feel like I need to write it down. It’s not for the benefit of the three people that will read this, because I’m sure everyone who does read this will think, “Yes Brittany, we knew this all along.” The main reason I’m writing this is for my own use so that I may remember this feeling.
Life is full of so many trials; so many that one may be overwhelmed to even think about how many one may have in a given time. The week has been quite a trial, not the hardest, but not quite so easy to go through. In fact the last three years have been quite a difficult experience. I’ve lost best friends, had difficult jobs, roommates. Dating has been a quite terrible experience. I’ve struggled with my testimony, in finding direction, and have questions that I may never find the answer too. I began wondering if the church really is true. All of this while moving out on my own, and also having to move back home. Wondering how to pay off my debts, feeling like they will never be paid off. In this time I have honestly felt lost. It wasn’t just not knowing what direction I was going, or where I should go with my life, but what my purpose was. It was a feeling of emptiness.
In this time I have been so focused on the trials, I became depressed and I struggled. It wasn’t until recently that I discovered I was handling things all wrong. Suddenly my eyes saw what was really happening, what I was doing wrong. So many good things are coming from all of this.
I have grown so much closer to my siblings because of this. Though they might not be going through the same thing as me, they know what it’s like. I realized that they truly do love me and are always there to help me. I can always count on them to help me through the hard times. They are my best friends, the kind that never leave you. They truly know who I am and love me for it. Being the youngest, I can tell that they are looking out for me and always want the best for me. Jenny was the first one to encourage me in my crazy dream to go through culinary school. When I was in BYU ID wondering how I would even be able to pay for it and doubting myself, she encouraged me to go. She has helped me through by showing interest in what I am doing. Amber has helped me with schooling so much. Any question I have she answers. She helped me with my resume. She pretty much got me my job at Deer Valley that showed me what it’s like in the culinary world. Russell and Adam are definitely my big brothers always looking out for me teaching me how to defend myself, how to shoot a gun. Curtis has shown me what it’s like to be independent and has encouraged me so much to experience life. Christy has helped me with my wardrobe, making sure her sister looks decent in public. Always showing interest in what I am doing with my life.
I feel like other trials in my life have worn me down till I was nothing just so I could be taught what I needed to learn. I’ve always struggled with knowing individual worth. Never believed that it applied to me, but I am beginning to realize that I am worth something. It’s funny how you learn that from your lack of dating or failed attempts, but whatever works right.
I now know what it’s like to have friends that support you through what you are doing, friends that are loyal and care about you. I don’t think I would be where I am if it weren’t for my friends. Emily Kohler taught me so much about friendship and life and the church I am so grateful and in debt to her. She is truly my best friend and I am so grateful that I met her. She, Dave, and Ryan, have been such an example to me. They have helped me through some of my questions in life. They have helped me to accept myself for who I am and I am truly grateful. There are so many others that have influenced me and have been great friends and examples, Christine for befriending me this semester. Cory for always being such an example to our class. Caleb for showing me the importance of the basics.
I have a hard time going to church because of my work schedule. So I am so grateful for the institute class I am in. For Christine who encouraged me to go with her. It was something that I truly needed this semester. Brother Perry is a wonderful teacher and he has help me realize some important truths, and got me on the right path to building my testimony. I know the importance of going to church every week. It really helps you through your week, it’s a necessity. I didn’t really know this, or believe this earlier. But after going three months without church to go for one week, you begin to understand. There is such a great feeling at church. You can learn so much truth there. It’s so hard to explain.
I am so grateful for my parents, they have been so encouraging. They have helped get me through this. They know when to get on me for homework, or to ask if I am doing all right. I know it is because they are in tune with the spirit. They have been an example to me. They have gone through so much this last year and a half, and I haven’t really helped the burden, maybe have only added to it, but they keep moving forward. I love them so much and I know they are always there for me. I couldn’t ask for any better.
So many people are shocked when I tell them my schedule for this semester, 20 credits with working 24 hours a week. They wonder how I can do it. At the beginning of the semester I wondered that myself, but I knew I would have help. This semester has truly been a confirmation that he lord is with me in this, because if he wasn’t there is no way I would make it. I am so grateful for that.
I have realized that trials are for our own benefit. The lord is with us and he truly knows what is best for us. It’s a huge struggle, graduating from college, still unsure of where you are going to go in life, not really having any idea of what you are going to be doing in a year or even in a few months, but I know that I just have to have faith and do what is right and I will be guided and whatever happens will be for my benefit. I know that the lord is with me in everything I do and I am so grateful for his guidance, because without it I would be lost. No matter how many times I forget, it only took a little effort for me to feel his love.
Until Next time
Brittany
